The Rentable Writer

Friday, June 09, 2006

Another round of PA put-downs (because I can)

The FAQ section at 'The Truth About PublishAmerica' is probably one of the funniest things I've ever read:


Q. Has any PublishAmerica book ever
been on any recognized bestseller list (e.g., New York Times, USA Today,
etc.)?


A. No.

Q. Does PublishAmerica claim that
one or more of their books has been nominated for the Pulitzer
Prize?


A. Yes.

Q. Has any PublishAmerica book ever
been nominated for the Pulitzer Prize?


A. No.

Q. Did PublishAmerica claim that
Robert Bly, the award-winning poet, had sold a book to them?


A. Yes.

Q. Had Robert Bly, the
award-winning poet, actually sold a book to them?


A. No.

Q. Does PublishAmerica directly
solicit writers to submit manuscripts?


A. Yes.

Q. Does PublishAmerica admit that
they directly solicit writers to submit manuscripts?


A. No.

Q. Is it true that PublishAmerica
has never missed a deadline?


A. No.

Q. What does PublishAmerica mean by
"We want your book, not your money"?


A. "We want your
money."


Q. Has any PublishAmerica author
taken PublishAmerica to court?


A. No.

Q. Why not?

A. The PublishAmerica contract
specifies that all disputes must be settled through arbitration.


Q. Okay, has any PublishAmerica
author taken PublishAmerica to arbitration?


A. Yes.

Q. What happened?

A. PublishAmerica lost.


This is true. It's the reason I don't say all POD publishers are bad, just that PA is especially bad:
Q. Why are folks upset with PublishAmerican and not with the
other vanity presses?

A. The other vanity presses don't use false advertising to
mislead authors into thinking that they're real publishers.


And just when you think it gets no better, PA jokes!
Q. What's the difference between a PublishAmerica "booster" and
a PublishAmerica "basher"?

A. About six months.

Q. How is PublishAmerica like an electric fan?

A. If you stand behind it, it sucks. If you get out in
front, it blows. If you stand beside it, it won't do a thing for
you. And if you get into it, it'll cut you to pieces.

Q. How do you recognize the PublishAmerica author at a
wedding?

A. He's the one trying to sell a book to the bride.

Q. What's the difference between a PublishAmerica royalty check
and a large pizza?

A. A large pizza will feed a family of four.

Probably my favorite thing of all about PA is their motto:

"We treat our authors the old-fashioned way — we pay them."

Uhhhhh ... no, PA, that's not old-fashioned. That's a standard.
And the joke isn't even funny. (I agree. Part of Gringy's autobiography was his quest to become the next young Jerry Seinfeld. He considers himself a "joke expert," but he's about as funny as PA winning a lawsuit [and while it may be funny to imagine PA winning a lawsuit, it wouldn't be funny if they actually did].)

1 Comments:

  • You've outdone yourself with this entry. Bravo! I just sat here and howled out loud at the PA jokes.

    Thanks for linking me. I'm reciprocating right now.

    By Blogger Serena Joy, at June 10, 2006 5:49 PM  

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